Akina1021's Xanga

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 07:52:05 GMT

I'm so ready to be in love... I'm so ready to be sick to my stomach missing somebody... I'm so ready to say goodbye to my girlfriend when she comes to visit me for 2 days and choke on my tears in the back of the car silently for the first half hour of the ride. I want it... It's just not my time yet.

mm hmm... just felt like putting this up right about now.

www.akina1021.blogspot.com for future posts.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Fri, 02 May 2008 07:50:36 GMT

http://akina1021.blogspot.com

lii baaaa

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 10:35:24 GMT

yea... 4am chat with my libra neighbor... it sure helps me clear my mind

fuck i woke up... WTF... 4am shit again!

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 10:02:07 GMT

fuck i keep waking up lately... just tryin to sleep early -_- but my body just cant stay asleep till fuckin 7:30am can it... fuck fuck fuck...

ugh... this week has been hell on myself...

well had the computer on and had music playing when i sleep, as usual... just layin there and nothing lasts forever came on by maroon 5... one of my favs i guess... and i got to thinking and just broke down the words a little and tried to see what they might've meant in the song, bleh boredom/cant fall back asleep does this to ya:

I think this song is about a guy who is with a girl who wants to love him back but doesn’t know, so she says she doesn’t know, and though he tried to wait for her, he’s losing it in his head (I tried and tried to let you know, I love you but I'm letting go, It may not last but I don't know, I Just don't know), and eventually he just can’t wait any longer… which is why he is letting go. He thinks that if she doesn’t know then she cant care as much as he does (“if you don’t know than you cant care” ) and every time they try to talk about it they only end up frustrated, which is why he says “with every word whispered we get more far away” & “The misbehaving only makes, The ditch between us so damn deep”. I think she doesn’t feel for him because she’s been in relationships where they told each other that they loved each other and then they ended not to long after and that’s why he says “…you want to, Still afraid that I will desert you”. I also think that she doesn’t really trust him for the same reason and that’s why he says “But you're still too reluctant to accept my help, What a shame I hope you find somewhere to place the blame”.

hmm another song came up.... coldplay... help is just around the corner... haha i didnt remember this song until it just came up.. kinda good to describe how i feel this week...

Seems like it describes feeling totaly dejected and not being able to do anything but sit there and think how badly its all gone wrong... even the thought of help is not comforting, whatever that help may be... it's a guy at wit's end. He's burned out, strung out, and doesn't know what to do. He's just clinging to the hope that, as the title says, help is just around the corner.. you can just hear the singer in the song... the pleading for some relief, even if only for a short while....

yea i know, i think too much... time to try and sleep for 3.5 more hours...

note to self, priority list

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 06:46:44 GMT

1. school
2. work
3. health
4. fun
5. get a license
6. family
7. matters of the heart

alright lets try it out boys and girls and lets see wut happens

sigh.....

change 2

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 02:32:31 GMT

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they go right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart, so that better things can fall together.

its crazy how thats a quote from marilyn monroe... but its really nice...

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 08:15:06 GMT

When being introduced to someone new, one will automatically judge if the individual is potential relationship or fling material. And over the next few times of chilling together, whether alone or in a group, that person will either become a friend or a lover, or will remain an "acquaintance". But occasionally an individual we have deemed as a friend will suddenly be seen in a different light. A transformation magically occurs and we begin to think "what if" ya know?... "what if we dated?" "what if we have sex?" "what if they are THE ONE"? Rules of dating and our normal "pick-up" routines can no longer be considered. We keep our feelings to ourselves, meanwhile at the same time, having butterflies anytime our new object of affection, our friend, is around us. We debate whether we should risk the perfect friendship to tell them about our romantic enlightenment. Hoping they would reciprocate with the same feelings towards you of course. I mean, the chances are 50/50... not bad, right? But thinking back, there are those who dare to take the risk for something more passionate. Then again we have seen a lot of our own friends go through similar dilemmas and we would rather continue a great friendship than risk putting it in jeopardy, we decide to bury our feelings and get on with our lives.

self reminder/self evaluation...

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 10:50:03 GMT

school wise - its that time again... where i have to say to myself... YOU'RE FUCKIN UP JIMMY STOP FUCKING UP!!!! force yourself to pass all the classes fuck!!!

feelings wise - sigh... i need a little luck and a need little love in my life... correction... i WANT alot more good luck...

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 07:00:36 GMT

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 01:37:42 GMT

its scary how things seem to repeat over and over again eh?

its all so familiar and similar....its just mindblowing..